Kryptic Centurion's TV shows > TV reviews by Kryptic Centurion

Do they think we're stupid?

Posted : 1 year, 6 months ago on 14 May 2008 07:33 (A review of Fur TV)

MTV has become one of the worst TV channels on Digital and programmes like this are the reason! Since when did puppets come back into fashion?? Its an insult to Muppets and Seasames everywhere!

For starters it tries to be crude. Swearing and adult content DOES NOT MAKE A TV SHOW GOOD! They were scrapping the faeces off my shoes when this show was given the greenlight. Maybe it is beyond me, thinking logically, as to why they committed to broadcasting this bane!

The show follows the lives of three puppets. One of them is a green frog which is Brazilian and a ladies frog. Another is a fat blue american lout who likes drinking beer and headbanging. The last is a orange disked weed that gets picked on by the fat blue one, I think its easy to say that this one is a pervert and a masochist.

They all live in the same apartment and are meant to be dysfunctional. Apparently the frog has sex with actual women and you see their faces. These women must be so desperate for fame if they appear on a lame show having sex with puppets!

The show has no underlying message. There are no great themes behind everything they do. It is a disgrace and MTV should be shutdown because of it. This is one of many blights that MTV has broadcast to British audiences. I dread to think how much the Americans get!

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Tell me what you like about me.

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 06:37 (A review of Nip/Tuck)

On a Sky One catch up, I managed to see the Season Two Finale which was very intriguing. I knew the show was about a pair of hot-shot surgeons sorting out peoples phyiscal dilemnas but to see so many issues and soap-like dramatic moments was too much!

I managed to catch up with all the current episodes before Season 3 aired and it was quite a journey. The stories were similar at points but Sean and Christian would always struggle to a point where money could be the cure.

Each season had a standard villain aswell. Although the surgeons would face various forms of conflict, it would always lead back an Individual in particular who was the Puppet Master. The series was therefore defined by the Intro-Rise-Fall of these villains who were all cultivated for that purpose. Whether its a drug-lord, a she-male, a psychopath or a midget; there was always someone who the boyos didn't get on with.

Not to mention, it has a very twisted and dark humour about it that I find quite appealing. It also added that mystery clause in the narrative with the Carver Storyline which I am all for.

Sadly Season 4 didn't do it for me. It felt so washed up and outageously shallow that I started to hate it toward the end.

Season 5, although in a different locale with EVERYONE along for the ride, was a saving grace. It felt fresh and new, I doubt we've seen the last of it for at least another season.

Vanity, Greed, Image, Betrayal are all heavily stitched into this tapestry so if you are a fan of any. You'll be a fan of this!

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If I'm the thief, you are the joker.

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 04:05 (A review of Battlestar Galactica)

Let me be the first to write an English review (that also isn't a synopsis!) on the best remake of any television show on our screens.

The old series was dated and by far a cosmic fantasy. It didn't hold any form of realism that I could relate too. It was too far out there. It was more or less appealing to my innocence and naivety. The re-imagined BSG does not.

It was pure chance that I started watching the show. I saw a teaser trailer for the second season which depicted the mystery of the Cylons. My natural curiosity overwhelmed me to make more sense of it! I knew from the original that they were aliens hellbent on human extinction but the whole human dimension that RDM has introduced gave them a more soulful depth and genuine motivation which really has achieved wonders.

As RDM put it, the Cylons studied humanity and said "You know what? There's really only 12 of you." So by that someone created 12 distinct humanoid models as archetypes and mockeries of our species. This categorisation allured me to the mystery of who these 12 models (which was revealed over time) are and how obvious their 'archetypes' were. It isn't as easy as you think!

Essentially:
God(s) created humans.
Humans created cylons.
Cylons rebelled against humans.

Also, humans rebelling against God (due to atheism and polytheism etc.)

Its a story about finding your true path and that you shouldn't be defined by who made you. The survivors of the 12 colonies are on their way to find the legendary lost planet and home of the 13th tribe, Earth. So unlike other sci-fi stories where Earth is just around the next asteroid belt, this is a journey to it! We don't know when the Colonials will arrive or what condition it will be in but thats why the show is so enticing to watch.

The characters also bring a magnificent parallel to the story. Even though they should be working to meet the same ends, their own prejudices and consciences just conflict every step of the way. This isn't just Human vs. Cylon; both races have their own sects who directly oppose each other. This internal strife is integral to the growth of certain characters, namely Lee Adama.

Lee "Apollo" Adama is a great character in regards to growth and conflict. The fact that he has no defined allegiance to one side or the other but has outstanding moral judgement allows him to be the compass in their journey to the truth. The entire colonial civilsation is in ruins and people like him make those initial brave steps to rebuilding an already destroyed society. His defence of Gaius Baltar is one of my most memorable scenes for the entire series for me!

I have only seen Olmos in Blade Runner which was a minimal role at that but he literally couldn't have been second-guessed as the Admiral of the Fleet. His lack of optimism, secular and unenthusiastic portrayal really screams home to me. Although he isn't particular dark, he has that deepness that only a true leader can manifest. His right hand man, Colonel Tigh, also creates a darker side to the fold through his merciless quips, prejudices and addiction to various vices. His and Adama's companionship reminds me of a Professor X-Magneto style connection that has my utmost respect.

The overly large cast also aids to the enjoyment of the show. The majority of background characters generally have a name, a story and at the very least a personality. Each one usually ends up with a story which is integral to the overarcing theme of the series. Appreciating the little guys gives the show more life. You can't keep recycling stories for the main 7 characters! That has been done too many times in the past for any TV Series. Gradually introducing and expanding on minor/recurring characters is one of my favourite aspects of television shows of late. Because they are usually the better ones and it also gives the story multiple directions!

The show covers too many themes to go into but each episode is heavily layered with digs at Americanisms and western soceity. I personally like it for its portrayal and not its sardonic messages. You can take it or leave it mate!

The show will be finished by the end of the year (2009) with the Colonials and Cylons struggle coming to a prolific and monumentous end! It really is going to be a big finish. I can feel it. Catch up now before its too late.

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This show should be buried with the reli

Posted : 1 year, 8 months ago on 24 March 2008 06:04 (A review of Relic Hunter)

It saddens me that Sky One still insists on showing this programme. They could show programmes like Dream Team but instead they have to torture us with this!

It follows the stories of a renegade archaeologist on her travels around the world. To add to the sexual appeal, she is a busty femme fatale. Pretty much jumping on the Buffy band wagon. She has her own Scooby Gang too!

Obviously it sucks Tomb Raider and Indiana Jones dry with references and leeching on their infamous fame!

Don't get me started on the humour. I cry.

Avoid.

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You nutbar!

Posted : 1 year, 9 months ago on 18 February 2008 09:52 (A review of Kenan & Kel)

This is probably a really bad programme but I somewhat enjoyed it. One of Nickelodeons better live-action shows.

Follows the mischievous mishaps of two pals. Kenan was always scheming to get rich or get famous whereas Kel would usually foil it in the most obscene way!

Favourite gag was when Chris, the shop owner, would fail at everything in life.

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Sunstone? More like rock that glows!

Posted : 1 year, 9 months ago on 18 February 2008 09:45 (A review of Dinotopia)

My friend Gemma would constantly berrate me because I didn't love this show enough. She is probably the biggest fan of this programme ever!!!

I cringed everytime this was on. I used to religiously stay tuned to Sky One so I used to leave this on the TV while I did whatever.

The graphics were terrible, it was so cliche and I hated every minute of it.

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Times 1000!!!

Posted : 1 year, 9 months ago on 15 February 2008 06:51 (A review of Sailor Moon)

I cannot remember for the life of me why I managed to watch numerous episodes of this show.

Its main redeeming feature was Tuxedo Mask and his awesome theme tune. Although, back then I couldn't find it on Kazaa :(. Now I realise he is very similar to the Angel character from the Buffy series.

The villains in this were annoying aswell. I remember two androgenous homosexuals and another guy called Malicite (H) who were always up to no good.

I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they are into girl power, very young girls at that!!

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I remember you.

Posted : 1 year, 9 months ago on 8 February 2008 09:45 (A review of Heroes)

This show is a friendly mix between Lost and the 4400. The coincidental connection between the main cast mixed with evolutionary abilities!

I waited for the whole first season to finish before I started to watch them all in a row, which I am quite glad I did. The first few eps were so slow that I defo wouldn't have tuned in every week.

This kind of show requires a constant stream to keep it at the top. It has so much more to offer.

Zachary Quinto has been superb since his introduction in the series and it wouldn't be the same without him.

Keep 'um coming!

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Do you believe?

Posted : 1 year, 9 months ago on 8 February 2008 09:38 (A review of Lost)

I've watched this show since the beginning. I'm invested now and I just wanna see how it ends.

It may be confusing and lead you on but it has enough coverage in the media and contraversy to keep the viewership up.

I can see how it pisses people off. That it is too mainstream for the niches but not every show is meant for everyone.

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Donnie Darko TV

Posted : 1 year, 9 months ago on 5 February 2008 03:01 (A review of Life on Mars)

Though I am British and love to support my countries attempts to breach out in the new media market, with this route they are dommed to suffer.

Take a generic time travel idea and mix in taboos and a poor cast and this is exactly what you get on Mars.

It tries to be intelligent, it tries to be funny but I feel nothing but shame. Ashes to Ashes should never see the light of day.

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