Reviews by Kryptic Centurion

All reviews - Movies (67) - TV Shows (18) - Books (6) - Games (30)

The Beast Rune Cometh

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 05:44 (A review of Suikoden II)

Fantastic. Absolutely Fantastic. I cannot express my glee about the memories and actually playing this game.

I played the original as a grubby copy which I thoroughly enjoyed. But luckily, this game was released in stores. At first, I never thought to buy it but then after realising how stupid I was I harvested it for my collection.

The game really does show the evolution of a hero and his destiny. Doesn't matter what we do, our fate will always be intertwined with our loved ones.

The story revolves around a pair of young boys who join a Youth Army for their country, Highland, but something foul is afoot. Luca Blight, the Prince of Highland, has set in motion a catastrophe to insight war with the neighbouring countries! By slaughtering the Youth Brigade, he ensures the countries backing to go to war with the City-State of Jowston.

Luckily, the boys escape and the adventure throughout the Dunan Regions puts their lives and friendship to the test.

The game has many tie-ins with the first installment which all fan boys (incl. me!) will enjoy. A classic old-school RPG. Luckily Suikoden 5 is back on form and so the future of the series may prove to be worth playing forever more.

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MI doesn't make stupid troopers.

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 05:28 (A review of Starship Troopers: Terran Ascendancy)

But they do make fantastic games!

Hi, I'm the Antagonist. You may remember me from such reviews as Donnie Darko: Pointless Film to Date and My Name is Earl:I Hardly Knew Ye.

Without a doubt one of my favourite games of all time. This could be replayed for hours/days because it captures the very essence of the SST Universe.

The storyline is loosely based on the films plot but it evolves further and more beyond that. Mission 4 is essentially a Whiskey Outpost homage which always ends in tears!

The game revolves around you managing your swuad of MI Troopers. You name, equip and upgrade your boys so they can fight for their very survival on the battlefield with a overhwleming nemesis.

The variety of formations and bugs to fight makes sure the gameplay is very adaptable and you have to act quick to make it out of their alive!

Sadly, it doesn't run on XP so I am left with a hole in the chest where this masterpiece once resided.

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Twin Ion Engines

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 05:14 (A review of Star Wars: X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter)

This is by far the best combat flight simulator game that I've ever played. Lucasarts hit it big with this title.

A variety of Spacecraft to pilot, each with their own arsenals, strengths and weaknesses with an even greater compliment of supporting crafts and capital ships.

Every mission provided a new challenge with a very fast-paced and fluid gameplay. Winning a variety of medals and banners for your performances was the icing on the cake.

I also loved the differentiation between Capital Ships names. Malevolence, Malice etc for the Empire and Hope and Liberty etc. for the Rebels. It helped me expand my vocabulary!!

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Rhyming Cock and Rock is not funny.

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 04:36 (A review of Tenacious D in "The Pick of Destiny")

Diabolical. When I saw Ben Stiller in this film, I almost died. Then he went and did the Heartbreak Kid and soon I reckon he'll be in Freddie got Fingered 2!

This film is such a wind up. Every joke is predictable, every gag was replicated and two of the most unattractive men thinking they can nail chicks is just excruciating.

When will the world learn that Tenacious D aren't funny and their 'antics' make Rock Music only applicable to stoners and airheads.

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Blackberry.

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 04:28 (A review of Catwoman)

She wins one Oscar and she thinks she has the power to create her own franchise based on a semi-par comic book Villain.

I don't know what Berry thought she could achieve from this. I really can't.

The only thing I enjoyed about this film was when Halle Berry had to go crawling back to X-3 after she said she wouldn't star in it. Loser.

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This is the Date Movie of all Reviews!

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 04:22 (A review of Date Movie)

Appauling. Hollywood has sunk low in the past but letting this film reach cinemas! I have no sympathy if anything bad happens to the creators or producers of this film.

Was it meant to be funny? The cast were practically begging me to laugh at their performances but I couldn't even do that.

Brain Damage is the only reason this film exists. This is the Donnie Darko of the Spoof Genre!

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Elm Street 7: I wish I was dead.

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 04:18 (A review of Wes Craven's New Nightmare)

What a horrific film!

I don't mean gory, I mean absolutely shocking. There is nothing in this film worth remembering, it insults the entire Elm Street Series with its 'new' look on the concept.

I wasted a Free Rental on this!! Man was a peeved!

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Blade IV: Another Ridiculous Storyline

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 04:06 (A review of Blades of Glory)

I hated the concept of this film. Not only is John Heder untalented but him teaming up with the Ferrell who just goes for anything these days was a sure-fire mix for mindless baffoonery!

However, it is somewhat funny at times and wasn't as gruesome as I thought. But I'd never recommend it.

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Sorry, I don't smoke but I praise this m

Posted : 2 years, 1 month ago on 15 October 2007 12:20 (A review of Thank You for Smoking)

I didn't think much of the adverts for this film when it came on to Sky Movies but the boredom of being unemployed was enough for me to give it a try.

I was thoroughly impressed though. It was nothing like I imagined it and every point made was worthy of recognition. As stated already, Naylor is definitely a hero in noctine armour.

Aaron Eckhart's performance was fantastic. I am now looking forward to seeing him as Harvey Two-Face!

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Fu-goodness sake.

Posted : 2 years, 1 month ago on 14 October 2007 05:20 (A review of The Man)

LUKE GOSS AS A VILLAIN! Thats defo a laughing point for this film!

My favourite gag was where the Police Officer put Levy in with the women at the jail becoz he didn't have the heart to put him in with Harlem Nights cast.

Less than average!

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