Reviews by Kryptic Centurion

All reviews - Movies (67) - TV Shows (18) - Books (6) - Games (30)

By the Great Glacier.

Posted : 1 year, 11 months ago on 29 December 2007 08:12 (A review of "War Planets")

Saturday mornings were a reason to get up early when Shadow Raiders was on!

Every episode left you wanting to know what happened next. With a diverse and colouful cast, you were never left bored.

The story revolves around a malicious planet and species, The Beast, that trek the galaxy and consume other lifeforms and planets. The pilot starts with the destruction of Planet Tek and the sole survivor manages to jump to the next solar system to warn them of the coming of the Beast.

This particular system houses 4 neighbouring planets which constantly fight over resources but now they are gonna have to find neutral ground to survive this new threat.

The series ended after 2 seasons. Not because it was unpopular but the production team just deicded to stop where it was. Which is really sad.

I managed to get the series on DVD and I'm happy to watch the stories of the war planets over and over again!

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Ah, HELL No!

Posted : 1 year, 11 months ago on 29 December 2007 08:00 (A review of I Am Legend)

I'm a fan of post-apocalyptic scenarios. What the world would be like without everyday life.

I heard a lot about the book but I can definitely assume that the film isn't a replica of it. But creativity and poetic license make unique projects.

Will Smith had his moments and I couldn't really imagine anyone else pulling off this role as fluidly.

My favourite aspect of the film was the comradery between Neville and Sam. They needed each other to survive and it only became apparent when they only had each other.

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Zat becomes zat, zis becomes zis!

Posted : 1 year, 11 months ago on 29 December 2007 07:51 (A review of Ape Escape)

I've got it! What a pile of s**t!!

Actually, thats a bit harsh. This game is completely harmless. It's just childish concepts and blocky fun graphics.

My friend recieved this with his first playstation and there were another laughs to be had by the complete cheese and the non-sensical storyline.

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Want some candy?

Posted : 1 year, 11 months ago on 29 December 2007 07:46 (A review of Aliens Versus Predator: Extinction)

I used to spy this game on shelves for years and I always thought it was another AvP First Person Shoot-um Up. Eventually I realised it was on consoles only and when browsing my local Blocky B Pre-owned Bin, it was £5 so I snapped it up.

When I started reading the manual, I realised it was a strategy game. For me, that was it. I loved the game.

You either had control of an Alien Hive, be in charge of a Predator's Hunt or be in Command of the Mighty Colonial Marines. I had to be Aliens every time, building a hive with different varieties of Xenomorphs was just too tempting to pass up. Plus, the Queen was the most bad-ass of units.

So I put it to you, if you are a fan of the franchises. You'll be a fan of this game. Now get off of my plane!

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They're dogs!

Posted : 1 year, 11 months ago on 29 December 2007 07:28 (A review of Beethoven)

I recently watched this film and I have to say it has brought forward so much nostalgia from my childhood.

A few weeks ago, the film came up in conversation with some friends where we recited the gags reel by reel yet we all wanted to watch it. After several calls to local DVD Emporiums, we were out of luck.

I got home a few days ago and the first thing I stumble across is a copy of Beethoven and I wasn't unimpressed.

Charles Grodin makes the film. He has the suburban Dad template, a fantastic 'disgusted look on his face' and has that demeanour that can scream without even moving his mouth. Perfect casting IMO!

Another shout out to Dean Jones' role as Dr. Varnick. Probably one of the best antagonists of the 90s. You can't get more evil than a puppy killer! His two bumbling sidekicks remind me of my friends John and Biggs so I'm already emotionally invested in these two numbskulls!

The funniest member of the cast though has to go to the runt of the litter...thats right, i'm talking about Ted. What a complete and utter pathetic loser. If you had a picture of a person in the dictionary next to the word 'Pathetic', Ted is your example! I'll spend many a night laughing about this useless pile of dweebiness.

Jump on the bandwagon for some classic Family Fun. Beethoven follows the Home Alone lifeline: where the Original and First Sequel are worth a watch. But everything after just gets waaaaaaaay more Ted-like!

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Fanboys are Officially Pleasured.

Posted : 1 year, 11 months ago on 29 December 2007 05:34 (A review of Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII)

I was there at the beginning when Final Fantasy VII was first released. The game is by far the best game I've ever played.

One of the weaker aspects of the game fall under the title: 'Characters I don't care about.' This should be reserved for the villains as you side with your protagonist. Don't get me wrong, Cloud and the majority were some of the most memeorable heroes of all time. But the likes of Sephiroth, Hojo, the Turks are a force to be reckoned with.

My point being, I felt no sympathy for Aeris dying, I hated Cait Sith and Vincent Valentine was nothing. The fanboys who love Cloud/Reno/Vincent slash fiction had their wetdreams come true when Vincent became the main character.

The story is a sequel and doesnt retcon as much as the others but it does drag up a lot of the past that didn't need to be! If you play it through, you will know what I mean.

The CGI and some of the new villains are worthy of note but the game is in the Conference of games everywhere.

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Cornetto?

Posted : 1 year, 11 months ago on 29 December 2007 03:11 (A review of Shaun of the Dead)

This movie has the greatest re-watch rate of any film I have ever known. At University, my friend and I watched it 5 times in one day (different commentaries on and fun facts too!) and still laughed and marvelled at this great British movie.

Shaun lives a humdrum life, not going anywhere and his love life is on the rocks. It is not until some Zombies show up out of the blue that his existence starts to have proper meaning.

Ed was also a fantastic character. His blatant ignorance and child-like innocence are perfectly portrayed by Nick Frost.

If you like the Dawn of the Dead movies or films littered with intertextuality, this is for you!

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Not To Be Confused with Ziggy.

Posted : 1 year, 11 months ago on 29 December 2007 03:04 (A review of Stardust)

I was first drawn to this film by the theme tune. As I aimlessly flick through music channels checking the latest videos, I came across the Take That video and got curious.

I was taken by surprise as I didn't notice this film at all until its release. However, it is an enjoyable fantasy flick.

Ricky Gervais once again slinks his way into Hollywood. His role is far greater than that of Night at the Museum and I'm glad to see him moving up in the world.

If you like to forget about rationality, then watch this film. It's a treat.

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God did, when he killed my wife!

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 06:14 (A review of South Park)

I've always had a rocky relationship with South Park. When I was a young lad when it first aired, I liked it for all the wrong reasons. Poo & Fart Jokes were too easy back then for any early teen to pass up. I then went through a(/my) period of hating this show because it was such a stereotype of the people I knew and hated.

However, earlier this year I managed to watch episodes beyond the first 3 seasons and realised there was an actual message with each show. Politics and current issues wovern into the fabric of this satirical and cult classic masterpiece.

It still has a reliance on, as I dubbed it, 'w*nker humour' but the show has greater depths and there is usually a lot to learn from the morals of the stories. Most of the time, I read up on the events and issues brought forward in the show to expand my own understanding to make sure i'm not lead astray with the crazy happenings in Park County.

The intertextuality cannot be beaten. Every parody and reference is amazingly portrayed in a spectacular way that leaves you remembering the parody rather than the real media text. World of Warcraft, 300, Indiana Jones, Al Gore, Lord of the Rings, High School Musical and by far Imaginationland.

The timing of the episodes are unbeatable aswell. The recent "About Last Night..." was completed the day it aired which borders on miraculous on Stone and Parker's part. Although I don't like any of their other projects. South Park has been on too long to be soiled by anything else they have made.

Eric Cartmen is one of the greatest characters of television history. He owns every hateable trait humanly possible but seeing them all hosted by one individual makes an anomally that can only be described as legendary. Butters was also a great addition to the cast. His innocence and easily manipulated persona makes him pefect for the situations the boys get tangled up in.

Randy Marsh has also come along way in terms of character development. First being one of the 'parents' but flourishing into a comedy genius with his overreacting and outrageous stunts.

Fantastic!

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Please don't remake this. x

Posted : 2 years ago on 15 November 2007 05:58 (A review of Final Fantasy VII)

Anyone with a soul and an attention span would agree that this is the best RPG ever made and possibly one of the greatest video games of all time.

There are too many w*nkers on my side when I say this game is momentous. It's story and scale could never be replicated again. Square can keep churning out new titles and spin-off sequels but they will never capture this greatness again.

We take on the role of an Ex-SOLDIER whose life has brought him against his former employers and is now in a fight for the very life of the planet he lives on. At first you think this greedy corporation, the Shin-ra, is all you have to worry about but there is a greater enemy and more iconic than any other video game villain waiting to take the reigns as this adventure takes you on a whilwind journey of everest heights and oceanous depths.

If you love to sit down and play a game for hours on end, then this is a title I highly recommend.

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