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All reviews - Movies (63) - TV Shows (18) - Books (6) - Games (30)

Tell me what you like about me.

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 18 April 2008 11:37 (A review of Nip/Tuck)

On a Sky One catch up, I managed to see the Season Two Finale which was very intriguing. I knew the show was about a pair of hot-shot surgeons sorting out peoples phyiscal dilemnas but to see so many issues and soap-like dramatic moments was too much!

I managed to catch up with all the current episodes before Season 3 aired and it was quite a journey. The stories were similar at points but Sean and Christian would always struggle to a point where money could be the cure.

Each season had a standard villain aswell. Although the surgeons would face various forms of conflict, it would always lead back an Individual in particular who was the Puppet Master. The series was therefore defined by the Intro-Rise-Fall of these villains who were all cultivated for that purpose. Whether its a drug-lord, a she-male, a psychopath or a midget; there was always someone who the boyos didn't get on with.

Not to mention, it has a very twisted and dark humour about it that I find quite appealing. It also added that mystery clause in the narrative with the Carver Storyline which I am all for.

Sadly Season 4 didn't do it for me. It felt so washed up and outageously shallow that I started to hate it toward the end.

Season 5, although in a different locale with EVERYONE along for the ride, was a saving grace. It felt fresh and new, I doubt we've seen the last of it for at least another season.

Vanity, Greed, Image, Betrayal are all heavily stitched into this tapestry so if you are a fan of any. You'll be a fan of this!


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Hey squeaker!

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 18 April 2008 11:18 (A review of All Dogs Go to Heaven)

Yes, this film will give you nightmares but at least it explains heaven and hell in a roundabout way!

A young scoundrelous dog called Charlie has become more and more involved in crime because of his corrupt partner Carface (?). He eventually gets assassinated and goes to heaven where he meets the 'registrar' to sign in. However, he feels his time isn't up and fancies some revenge so he swipes his Watch which represents his time left alive and rewinds it. He's back down on Earth where he begins to start his plan to foil Carface and save a little girl's life.

Loads of memorable musical numbers and some classic Don Bluth animation. Burt Reynolds provides the voice for the hero which was a good shout.

The scenes depicting hell are the most fearful and frightening moments for any child to watch. One of my friends still wets herself when she even hears the name of this film. That irrational fear manages to bring a whole new spectrum of emotions that doesn't usually show up in animated films in western culture.

If you wanna give your kids or younger sibling a good film where they can sing-along and then get scared shitless. Sign them up for this!


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Doom! Doom! DOOM!

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 18 April 2008 11:02 (A review of The Flight of Dragons)

I can't remember when this film came about in my life but I was young. My Grandpop would tape various animation/kids films for me with his latest VCR. I would get monthly installments of new films this way!

Anyway, this film follows the World of Magic which is about to kick the bucket due to the real world becoming more and more involved with Science. Four wizardly brothers convene to discuss sealing their world off before humans stop believing in mysticism and magic. Three of the brothers (a white guy, an oriental guy and a black guy (McDonald's Advert)) agree with this but the fourth brother, Ommadon, who is somewhat grotesque in appearance fancies corrupting the world of men so he can take over all worlds. Voiced by James Earl Jones, he couldn't really lose!

The only way to defeat him is by taking his Red Crown which bestows him his powers. Carolinus the Green Wizard Brother summons forth a Man of Science (Peter) from the real world to aid their cause. He, along with Gorbash the Dragon and Sir Orin the Knight must trek across the land to defeat Ommadon.

After a sneak attack and a mishap, Peter and Gorbash get absorbed into one body. Gorbash' Body and Peter's Mind, and so the old dragon Smrrgol has to go along too to teach Peter how to be a dragon. They eventually pick up a Wolf, a female archer and a treetop elf whuch completes their party. They face many trials and many casualties along the way.

My love for a fellowship joining up and going on their merry way was what drew me back to this film again and again. Each person had their own unique skill and purpose. Their reliance on each other was commendable. The sacrifices they make for everyones freedom is beyond the call of duty.

The film also poses the question between logic and belief which isn't very subtle. An enjoyable animation though!


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Swing low, sweet chariot.

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 18 April 2008 10:40 (A review of Addams Family Values)

I believe God himself casted this film. Never has there been a more perfect collaboration between actors on screen! Its also a comedy which makes that fact even more amazing.

Morticia was up the duff at the end of the first film, so that sets up the beginning of this one. A new addition means change and not for the best. The older siblings of newly born Pubert are jealous of the attention he receives from the older generations. After various whacky and cruel events, the Addams' hire a nanny who isn't what she appears to be.

Fester once again becomes an integral role to the plot, which further seperates this film from the original TV Series.

I can almost picture the film in my mind because I am so familiar with it. Laughs all round, cheery dispositions dealt with and an almost glowing feeling left when you finish up watching.

Raul Julia died after hearing they were making a sequel without him and the other greats of this Duology!


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I'm repelling fire of THAT magnitude.

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 18 April 2008 10:25 (A review of Star Wars: X-Wing vs TIE Fighter: Balance of Power)

I hate flight simulators. Airplane Sim 1, Airplane Sim 2, Airplane Sim 3D. There is no difference. If you really want to fly in a plane, join the RAF or go to an airport!

This was one of my favourite games as a Tween. Before the revival of Star Wars, I managed to procure this game just after completing a very dated 'X-Wing'. However, the game did not become magnificent until this expansion.

It features updated graphics and better content. Not to mention a campaign that'll blow your tits off. All the medals you can muster.

Before every mission, I'd customise my HUD for maximum efficiency. There wasn't a ship in the galaxy that I couldn't waste. My personal favourite addition was the new movie shorts you achieved but beaten each mission.

Being able to fly all the regular and basic fighters of both the Empire and Alliance was enough for any man to chew on. Kamikaze-ing the SSD with an A-Wing was my favourite past time though.

Looks like I'll never play it again. We had fun though.


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Chas and Cem together again.

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 18 April 2008 09:35 (A review of The Machine Gunners)

This book always brought a smile to my face. Whether reading it or hearing it mentioned, it was a fucking laugh regardless.

Young Chas McGill lives in WW2 Britain in some nowhere town in the North. At his local school, they collect memorabilia from crashed aircraft as their only hobby. Chas manages to get the ultimate prize one day when he manages to salvage a fully operational machine gun. He teams up with his bezzie mate, Cemetary Jones (Legend) and a bunch of other misfits to create a fortress to protect their town from ensuing German bombers.

The childrens mentality usually reflects the opinions of the time. All about paranoia and like. There is almost substantial growth involved from when they start as little kids playing fort to guardians of the Northern shore.

I felt the novel didn't need any female characters at all. Stereotypes and hinderances throughout.

Follow the adventures of Chas, Cem, Audrey, Carrot Top, Nicky, Clogger and Audrey *rolls eyes* as they fight for ideals that even we don't have.


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WHAT WAS THIS!

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 18 April 2008 09:23 (A review of Jurassic Park III)

I actually think Sam Neill was drugged or blackmailed to do this film. There is no way this film could topple its predessors!

Take a perfectly good franchise and place it next to a toilet bowl. Shit on it and then dunk it in! I'll flush it for you.

This film added nothing to the over-arcing story! It was a freak accident that helped nothing and no one out. You literally go from, T-Rex waltzing around in Californee to rescuing a muggy kid on another island! I think this is where next seasons Lost is gonna be!

I'm a massive fan of the Tyrannosaurus Rex. I know it gets slagged off as a scavenger these days but who cares. You think of Dinosaurs, you think of the King. The fight scene between it and the Spino was rigged. Super-Predator my arse! It wasn't even discovered until three years after the Islands were made! Thank God they didn't throw in that chameleon dinosaur from the Lost World novel. I would have blown up.

JP4 isn't gonna save the franchise if they think beating this is their only solution!


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If I'm the thief, you are the joker.

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 18 April 2008 09:05 (A review of Battlestar Galactica)

Let me be the first to write an English review (that also isn't a synopsis!) on the best remake of any television show on our screens.

The old series was dated and by far a cosmic fantasy. It didn't hold any form of realism that we could relate too. It was too far out there. It was more or less appealing to my innocence and naivety. The re-imagined BSG does not.

It was pure chance that I started watching the show. I saw a teaser trailer for the second season which depicted the mystery of the Cylons. My natural curiosity overwhelmed me to make more sense of it! I knew from the original that they were aliens hellbent on human extinction but the whole human dimension that RDM has introduced gave them a more soulful depth and genuine motivation which really has achieved wonders.

As RDM put it, the Cylons studied humanity and said "You know what? There's really only 12 of you." So by that someone created 12 distinct humanoid models as archetypes and mockeries of our species. This categorisation allured me to the mystery of who these 12 models (which was revealed over time) are and how obvious their 'archetypes' were. It isn't as easy as you think!

Essentially:
God(s) created humans.
Humans created cylons.
Cylons rebelled against humans.

Also, humans rebelling against God (due to atheism and polytheism etc.)

Its a story about finding your true path and that you shouldn't be defined by who made you. The survivors of the 12 colonies are on their way to find the legendary lost planet and home of the 13th tribe, Earth. So unlike other sci-fi stories where Earth is just around the next asteroid belt, this is a journey to it! We don't know when the Colonials will arrive or what condition it will be in but thats why the show is so enticing to watch.

The characters also bring a magnificent parallel to the story. Even though they should be working to meet the same ends, their own prejudices and consciences just conflict every step of the way. This isn't just Human vs. Cylon; both races have their own sects who directly oppose each other. This internal strife is integral to the growth of certain characters, namely Lee Adama.

Lee "Apollo" Adama is a great character in regards to realisation and conflict. The fact that he has no defined allegiance to one side or the other but has outstanding moral judgement allows him to be the compass in their journey to the truth. The entire colonial civilsation is in ruins and people like him make those initial brave steps to rebuilding an already destroyed society. His defence of Gaius Baltar is one of the most memorable scenes for the entire series for me!

I have only seen Olmos in Blade Runner which was a minimal role at that but he literally couldn't have been second-guessed as the Admiral of the Fleet. His lack of optimism, secular and unenthusiastic portrayal really screams home to me. Although he isn't particular dark, he has that deepness that only a true leader can manifest. His right hand man, Colonel Tigh, also creates a darker side to the fold through his merciless quips, prejudices and addiction to various vices. His and Adama's companionship reminds me of a Professor X-Magneto style connection that has my utmost respect.

The overly large cast also aids to the enjoyment of the show. The majority of background characters generally have a name, a story and at the very least a personality. Each one usually ends up with a story which is integral to the overarcing theme of the series. Appreciating the little guys gives the show more life. You can't keep recycling stories for the main 7 characters! That has been done too many times in the past for many TV Series'. Gradually introducing and expanding on minor/recurring characters is one of my favourite aspects of television shows of late. Because they are usually the better ones and it also gives the story multiple directions!

The show covers too many themes to go into but each episode is heavily layered with digs at Americanisms and western soceity. I personally like it for its portrayal and not its sardonic messages. You can take it or leave it mate!

The show will be finished by the end of the year (2009) with the Colonials and Cylons struggle coming to a prolific and monumentous end! It really is going to be a big finish. I can feel it. Catch up now before its too late.


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He cried.

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 15 April 2008 06:13 (A review of The Picture of Dorian Gray)

Considering the age of this book, I was quite mislead by the term 'cry/cried' throughout. A lesser educated person would have been ravaged with mind-boggling confusion.

I have a knack for writing down favourite quotes from the books I read. I couldn't do that with this text. This is by far the most beautifully written book I have ever laid my short-sighted eyes on.

Every page had so much detail and wonder that I was close to jotting nearly all of it down on a seperate pad of paper. Oscar Wilde has my full respect and I intend to read more of his work.

The Picture of Dorian Gray is a tale trekking the life, beauty and scandal of Dorian G: as a young man he is picked up by a moderate & not so talented artist. The artist has found his muse in Gray and creates one of the greatest portraits of his career by modelling him.

The picture alone captures the essence of DG's astounding and blessed good looks. After seeing it, DG wishes that his good looks would never fade, like the painting before him. As time goes by, his wish becomes more and more true. Yet there is a price to pay for a wish as grand as his.

I struggled toward the middle of the book because of its tendency to dribble about how special one man is by his good looks alone. It has very little links to modern beauty but the right to ones soul has always been the pricetag for it.

I also felt a sense of culture when I commuted on the train to work whilst reading it. I was reading a novel by Oscar Wilde, they were reading shit rags like the London Lite.

Anyone who loves the beauty of words and language should earn a copy of this book. The enlightened out there should never skip this step.


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Rape me please.

Posted : 9 years, 8 months ago on 14 April 2008 12:59 (A review of Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core)

*NOTE: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW!*

Even though I am against the murder of Final Fantasy VII, I am still curious as to what SE are doing with ALL THAT MONEY!

My brother bought this game and once he finished it in record time, I took a dabble. You follow the story of Zack Fair, a minor character in the main mythology of 7. The story gives him a personality reminiscent of the younger generation heroes but he is in no way as annoying as Tidus or Vaan. In fact, his entire characters only flaw is the fact that he cares too much about those around him and doesn't want to give up trying.

I was wise enough when FFVII & VIII were released to not take the heroes of Cloud & Squall as literal as SE thinks their audience does. Yes, they start off as careless and taciturn legends but they grow throughout the story. But with all the latest releases we get a bunch of crybabies and womanisers who are as 2D as soul of the business.

Zack on the whole is a benevolent and decent human being which is in direct contrast to his main opposition. He doesn't need to grow as we are introduced to him near the end of his training. This is another problem with the game, it is rather short for a game that stretches over 7 years!

'LONG' STORY SHORT. After a unit of SOLDIER have gone missing, Zack is sent to investigate. Turns out that there is a First Class SOLDIER gone rogue because he has issues over how he was created. No, its not Sephiroth! It is a completely different guy who goes mental when he found out he was born in a test tube. He is also being helped by a Mad Scientist. No, it is not Hojo! Case and point.

The game is more action-orientated and manages to remove the party system from the game. The screen no longer spirals but instead you get an annoying ENTERING COMBAT MODE! thrown up on screen. You run around, dodge, block and ensue various attacks with loads of Made-Up Materia. It is quite obvious that Zack visited the guy in Corel on the Bulldozer who helps you start mining for new Materia in the Gold Edition! :|

Another thing with a prequel title is that the developers try to fit in as many links to the original as possible. For example, everything about Aeris that is significant when you first meet her is inspired by Zack's interaction with her. It literally coats the game in cheese but doing this. I wasn't a massive fan of Aeris and seeing her prostitute herself was the last straw for her popularity.

I enjoyed CC more than DC and AC though. At least the story deserved to be told in one way or another. Sephiroth WAS dead so no need for AC. Vincent Valentine IS a wanker so no need to spend time unveiling his poinltess past in DC. Zack is a genuine hero and deserved his story to be told but the fact SE managed to make the game so short it gave him no room for expansion.

The game should have started with him joining SOLDIER, not just before he becomes a First Class Member! Where is the growth, where is my heart? It is hanging on the wall along with Sgt Apone's Dog Tags and the T-Rex from JP3's snapped neck!

Please play Final Fantasy VII before you play this game. I have no other wish for anyone who wants to get into the series, DO NOT start with a watered down quel or spin-off. Start with a Core Game that actually has a massive fanbase which is trying to be corrupted by the Evil Corporation SE!


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